You Get Used to It (Pt. 3)

So of course I try to act real quiet and hope they'll think I'm not home but then they just keep banging louder and now they're threatening to smash the door so I go open it and there, sure enough, are six fucking cops on my doorstep and all of 'em angry.

They get all crazy shouty and one of 'em puts me up against the wall and starts asking me questions like, “Where is Danny Mendoza?” and “Where are you hiding the cocaine?” and other crazy things. I've never heard of Danny Mendoza and I doubt they mean the cocaine in the box at work so I just kind of go all bug eyed and tell them that while I try not to piss myself.

Not very dignified, I'll admit.

Then I see that all the other cops are kind of confused looking and then right in the middle of the big cop shouting so loud I think my ear'll burst and his face so close I can count his nose hairs, one of the other ones taps him on the shoulder and he screams at him now, “What?”

So he tells the big guy they're supposed to be at 2150 and this is 2148. Then the main cop gets upset and starts swearing and apologizing and they're all like, please and thank you and we don't want to get sued and then guess what.

Victoria shows up in the doorway asking what's up and goddamn it if she's not holding a foot. Just playing with it like it's a toy and I'm all like, oh shit and suddenly the cops are very interested in me again.

So of course I tell 'em it's a Halloween prop. Of course, we're just getting ready for Halloween and little Victoria loves Halloween. I'm just baby-sitting, you know and I thought it would be fun to make props and I'm all mumbling and stuttering.

And then I remember it's the middle of April.

Needless to say they have a few more questions but then oddly enough, they kind of stop caring because they see the door fly open at the house next door and this Hispanic guy go running out to a car with big rims parked out front.

As soon as all the angry cops are gone I push Victoria inside and slam the door and go into my own little yelling match and of course the little girl laughs and laughs and goes prancing around the house, a foot in each hand just laughing at me until we hear a gunshot outside and we both run to the front window.

Sure enough, they got the Hispanic guy in the leg and they're dragging him back to the cop cars in front of my house and I'm praying the whole time they just go away and then, like a freaking Christmas miracle, they do. Funny thing though, when they're pulling the guy in the car he starts screaming and I can hear him from inside. He's just screaming and yelling about how his next door neighbor narced him out and how he's gonna fucking kill him and shit like that. I kind of feel bad for whoever's got that kind of shit coming down on him, but I've never met the people in the house on the other side, so who knows.

I push Victoria out as fast as I can but I grab the feet from her before she can take 'em with her and she doesn't put up much of a fight. I think of something when she's leaving though and I ask her about that thing she said about girls with low self esteem, why only they'd like me. The little shit just says, “I'll tell you when you grow up,” and laughs.

Little brat.

So anyway, I go back to play Madden but then I remember the feet again sitting there on the table, just staring me in the face like two boat anchors. Then I get an idea and I pick 'em up, go to the back alley and sneak down the street to the house on the other side of 'ol Danny Mendoza. I put the feet in that guys trashcan 'cuz hell, if he's a narc he deserves to deal with this kind of shit. Probably a giant dick too.

But yeah, after all that shit, I guess today wasn't so bad. I got some new boots, some dating advice, and I got a good feeling about tomorrow. Hope they get that cocaine thing at work figured out by then.